What's covered: Why stress is killing your desire for sex; How to deal with a lull in libido; How to guarantee great sex & boost your sex drive naturally
I'm going to get straight to the point - let's talk about sex.Â
Whether you're not having it, wanting it, have little desire around it or are totally confused about it, this blog will be relevant to you.Â
Sex in society - talk about confusing!
We live in a society that simultaneously sensationalizes and shames sex.Â
For example, you'll doubtlessly be bombarded with sexualized imagery and advertising when simply scrolling your newsfeed.
Yet, it's highly likely you've been brought up in a family that either didn't talk about sex or only discussed it in a negative context (i.e. unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases).
No wonder there's often a lot of confusion and inner conflict about what's healthy sexual expression for an individual!
What's sex really about?
Sex or sexual exploration is synonymous with pleasure: giving yourself permission to feel pleasure, explore enjoyment and experience satisfaction.
(VERY important note: This can be experienced with another person OR as one's own sexual exploration.)
When viewed through this lens, sexual expression is more about developing or deepening a connection to your own body.
Lull in libido? Sex-drive stealers & pleasure poachers
What are the biggest obstacles to being able to connect with your own sense of pleasure?
"It's the last thing on my mind!"
Stress: If you're experiencing ongoing stress or dealing with a big life upheaval, then chances are, you're experiencing a major lull in libido.
When under intense stress, your brain and body is operating in "fight or flight" (basic survival mode), so anything that is not needed for immediate survival is placed on the back burner, such as digestion, tissue repair, growth hormone production AND sex or pleasure.
It's hard to feel frisky and sexual when your body's being flooded with stress hormones that are telling you to RUN! ;-)
"Sex or pleasure are triggering for me"
Trauma or Shame: If you associate sexual expression or pleasurable sensations with painful past experiences, then being intimate with a partner or exploring your own sexuality is going to be a huge challenge.
To feel enjoyment, you need to feel safe in your own body, and empowered in your experience.
"I don't feel like I did in my 20s..."Â
Hormonal shifts: Your body has different needs, urges, impulses and desires at different stages of your life.Â
For example, women going through menopause often feel very differently about sex compared to women in their 20s or 30s. Likewise, men also experience hormone production changes which can impact their desire for sex.Â
Learning how to identify, embrace, navigate and communicate throughout those different life stages allows you to switch from: "Why don't I feel like I did?" to "How can I welcome and support where I am in my life right now?"
Pleasure, desire & connection: Great sex starts with YOU!
Feeling, sensing and knowing your own body allows you to enjoyably and freely share and connect with another person.
In other words: Knowing yourself is primary. Connecting with another person is secondary.
"The most important sexual relationship we have is with ourselves."
(Sex Therapist, Dr Emily Morse)
Here are some simple yet key questions to ask yourself so you can open up to more pleasure in your life:
Embodiment (being in your body): Am I present in my body? Am I able to feel, sense and enjoy my body, in and out of the bedroom?
Self-knowledge: How well do I know myself as a sexual and sensual being? What am I curious about that I haven't yet explored? What prevents me from exploring my sexuality or sensuality (e.g. past conditioning, self-judgment or even a lack of information)? What feels sexy, sensuous, delightful, luxurious, tactile, stimulating or pleasing for me and my body?
In other words: Sexual exploration is not only about experiencing physical pleasure; it's also about discovering, exploring and understanding your own likes, desires, needs and boundaries.
Sex challenges: Starting the conversation...
Surprisingly, this is the first blog I've written that's focused on sex, although it's a topic that frequently comes up in client sessions.Â
Have you enjoyed reading this blog? If yes, please email me hello@laurenjoywilson.com and let me know what it was that was most helpful for you.
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